peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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