He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
