you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
