I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
