Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
