I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
