So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
nutella sex= disaster
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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