That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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