my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
