I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
