I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
