he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
