I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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