Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
