I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
