he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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