Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
