it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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