im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
As shirtless as possible
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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