You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
