the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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