I hate all girls vehemently.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
