The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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