please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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