Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
