I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
