I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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