Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
