my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
