We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
