can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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