I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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