I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
