I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
