I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
