Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
