Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
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He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
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I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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