My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
