According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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