and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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