I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
