Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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