When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize