he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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