dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
