If i come over, it means nothing
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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