Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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