Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Randomize
