I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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