I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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