Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
