So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
