Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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