friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
