im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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