Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
