I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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