He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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