I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
