She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
