Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
