my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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