Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
