why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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