You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize