I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
