**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
