I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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