found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
