why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
