Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
