did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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