No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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