So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
