So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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