Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
