the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
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This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
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I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.