i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?