we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.