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yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
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