Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.