new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.