you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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